Category: Uncategorized

Holiday seasons around the corner. As the year comes to an end, I tend to reflect on the overall mood, behaviours and experiences that come with it. And it was quite the journey.

January started off well, with previous achievements from the year before comes to fruition. Discipline standards was met, and I performed better than ever.

February, the beginning of the end. This is when Covid-19 was starting to surface as an immediate danger to society. Heightened senses and confusion were sensed and degradation started to follow especially when you have peers in the medical industry who see these patients ground zero.

March, goodbye Slipknot tickets, concert got cancelled. Data files from my office had to be backed up in preparation for an announced lockdown. Though it was suspicious on my end already as the timing of the pandemic and the closure was timely.

April, remote work. Imagine doing visuals and communicating through phone calls. Most stressful and strenuous thing ever as interpretation was from 2 completely different senses. Already tried suggesting messenger platforms and met with resistances. Seemed futile so I just went ahead with the old-school communication tool. Couple that with the stress of the lockdown and pandemic.

May, loss of job, incomes and half my face to bell’s palsy. Imagine being punch on the side of your face and then not being able to feel it at all for about a month. That is the experience I get.

June, relief my possessions from my workstation and received much needed aid. Waking up daily to your side of your face drooping with eye tears and not being to feel or smile is the worse feeling. It is like being Two-Face when you look in the mirror.

July, I recovered from bell’s palsy, but mental health was fragile from the aftermath of the incident. Started looking out for gig’s or jobs with little success. Also, the lockdown affected the brain’s vision, having only a focal view instead of a panoramic view.

August, pretty lull at this period, Besides the crazy amount of gaming in which I had a good time rekindling with people around the world and realizing we are not so different. Afterall, we are experiencing the pandemic just in a different landscape altogether.

September, fear, and panic set in again, no job, relief aid was finished after paying dues. Started gigging doing delivery. A last resort option. An option I do not like for previous incident years ago that almost made me lose my fingers. Started out well though until I start doing after midnight deliveries. Nothing good comes after midnight and never trust your thoughts after those wee hours around 3am.

October, birthday month. Wow, yippeekayay. That is all I have to say. Started simulating my workstation from former office to home. Signed up to be an aspiring developer. That is how I am going to achieve my life goals and objectives.

November, brain muscles started to function at pre-Covid-19 state levels. Received job offers and prospects. This is where work experience comes in. Got to know what you are signing up for and whether you can fit into the company. Those offers? Either they do not want it to conflict with my aspirations or it was damned.

December, vaccine news has surged the number of people going out exploring places again as I observed weekend after weekend going out. Although, I did observe some heightened behaviour still from some people.

To sum up, I just accept myself and be cool about it. I do not want to be Two-Face. I do this by compartmentalising negative thoughts, stress indicators and anticipating anything has helped me mature to this state of mind. Body? Since I still do not get any fitting job offers, I guess you can say back to gigging deliveries as well. Last two month of working and exercising helped. So that the physically demanding nature of the job can be met. As for the soul, I am a man of science.

As for moving forward to the new year, will I go back to the past? No.

Do I intend for a healthier, better future? Yes.

Will there be challenges and obstacles ahead? Sure.

Do I have a fixed or growth mindset? Growth.

How do you see yourself in 10 years time? Happy.

Live Long and Prosper

Let’s end the year well

Just one more simulation before I get back to reality. I can control it now.

I used to be an off-beat person, needlessly ranting and being interactive. Some like it. Some don’t. It’s why I started blogging. To cut down on the unnecessary communication. So that it can go to something more productive. Like reflective posts such as these.

My nephew now has an obsession with buses. His senses are now amplified and spammed with constant content on buses. These can be in the form of toys, videos, books, songs etc. The exhaustion of constantly being in the vicinity of him being surrounded by the “Bus” media is not easy to take in. I took it as a challenge to be patient and embrace the fact that there are some things that are beyond us.

Even right now as I am writing this, I am succumbing myself to the fact that this is my reality. I know deep in my soul, this will make me a better person in my journey through self-development. I could easily remove these distractions by wearing noise-cancelling headphones I use for gaming, but hey, you can’t get perfection out of everything.

You got to do what is right and take it all in. Recently, I have been digging Lo-fi music a lot. Amidst the chaos of my senses around me, I manage to keep mum to most frustrations and the most noticeable is my deadliest sin which is my wrath. The ability to cool down and counter things that are toxic or triggering; is no longer an option for me. Reading books and listening to Lo-fi helps in my daily quest in my journey to excellence.

And here is the playlist. I hope you readers enjoy it.

Keep calm and carry on. Life goes on

I was being pestered for the umpteenth time for a review for a friend’s commission for a job. I began to realise my impression I left on her a decade ago. I haven’t met her ever since. The impression that I left her then still reside with her as the party, fun-loving individual.

Similar to Pokemon, as humans we do evolve and change. She asked, if I wrote her a review that she would reward me with a drink at a club. I do neither of those activities for years already. Those times were fun but they no longer reflect who I am now.

Furthermore, this made me jumped at the fact that I had old photos of myself partying feverishly with my then peers. I tried to remove the tags and even delete them but I could only limit so much (you know which social media I mean).

To my past self, stop being such an exhibitionist. Though it’s already there. Times have changed and the mark has already been made. Does it matter though? It does to an extent.

I had a client before who would try all kinds of angles and approaches to work with him in good will. He brought me women, to clubs and drinks. I’ve never shared any of these experiences when I met him in person. I entertained none of these as they are just short term pleasures. He was sorely mistaken; shoving receipts at me of the expenditure spent, but I value my principles more than the money he splurge over the unnecessary entertainment that I had to put myself through. So it was on him; not me for the wrong judgment.

The change that I had to become was progressive by nature. If which Pokemon I would associate myself with, it would probably be Squirtle in the beginning. Cool and friendly Squirtle with many friends then who likes to party, have fun and be around people.

I became this , after some time in my career as lead designer. Brash, arrogant but unafraid and bold. But yeah, just like Ash’s Squirtle, I was afraid of this evolution but did not deny it. Instead, I became and experience it becoming a highlight of my career.

I am here now, Blastoise, a believer. I pretty much know what I want and pretty cool about it. My past partying and raging attitudes no more. Pretty much a cool blastoise with twin water cannons and has a solid-winning mentality. Can still zoom with a huge boom while staying cool. Important amidst chaos.

Moving forward with the experiences I have, I’m heading towards becoming a better person as an individual, a son, brother, man, dude and professional.

So I now ignore the negativity and the weights that want to pull me down. For those who lend a hand before or willing to give, I will make sure it would not go to waste. Reciprocation is a human nature law that we all have.

Technology is moves quickly. The things we learnt now has adapted to digital platforms. I started drawing when I was 5 and it took me a long time to get used to drawing on a screen surface. But once you get the feel and practice, it does come with its ease of use and perks.

It’s easy to get lost in technology and new things. Sometimes we lose sight of our strengths amidst all the noise. During these times, in searching and navigating my career path through networking, I finally found my answers which were in front of me all these while.

Getting into motion of how things work and are done; we adapt accordingly. I am in the design industry. I’ve done professional, freelance and passion projects. There is still a long way to go and to go towards something that is aligned to your line of work is the focus right now. And I made sure that every step of the way, I did it with the idea that I will be sticking my guts to this. I had a rocky start with successes and failures; big and small. Some even came with a huge price point. However, these are the learning points in which it is part of the growth process. I’m not young anymore, but I do need a little more experience before settling down.

Recovering from the pandemic was a tough process but a fast one for these pitfalls were deep but encouragement and motivations from family, friends and mentors led me to this point where I can self-start my day into work mode without hesitation or dread of procrastination. It’s a different world now, a new norm has been formed and with it, mindsets have to change accordingly in order to progress.

I do miss my past vocation where I had a strong safety net and boundaries that are not interrupted. Those golden days are now a memory. And now, moving forward is the only path and creating new memories now and ever in the future are inevitable.

Through it all, ups and downs, that is life. And now that I’m older, wisdom through knowledge is the advocacy from my younger days that I have to value. From there, eventually I hope to share it.

I am not radically liberal and sure far shot from a conservative. I used to be centrist, lawful neutral that does not want to take sides. But an old friend of mine used to say, “Do the right thing”.

He didn’t mean by political leanings but doing what needs to be done. For yourself, family, friends & relatives and now to the country; as part of the human race; to survive. To progress. To go beyond the limits while knowing your own limits.

That is because there has never been a better time than now. In the darkness of it all, there needs to be someone who can be the light. Someone who has been in the dark. And got out of it. To climb out of it and reach to the ones that are sinking. Be the strength that is needed. A symbol of fortitude and resilience who is real and not afraid.

I was inspired by Joe Biden. The personal life tragedies, failed attempts at presidency and facing a vocal President Trump the challenges he had to faced spoke deeply into my life experiences. Empathy is the trait I acquired from his life story. And at 77, he is the oldest President-Elect of the United States of America. They need someone of his character at during these times.

I watched and followed fervently the 2020 US elections. I was never a political person until they made these elections an entertaining one. I waited patiently, to write this post so as not to give any radical signs of favouritism. It did weigh on me that President Trump could have won a second term considering the influence and charisma he has. However, the people and the system has spoken; the projected win is now check marked from various named sources.

And now, we shall watch and see if President Elect Joe Biden will deliver his policies as spoken and planned. The 80-20 rule is at play here. And the world is watching. President Trump will not concede defeat so easily.

It’s a happy day for a sovereign nation. Let’s all rejoice with them and hope their new leader will get the place he deserves peacefully. And not definitely not forgetting, his partner, Kamala Harris for being the first female, African American and first South Asian American vice president. That’s progress there for women, people of colour and ethnicity; a combination that represents how the world has changed over time; far from old traditions of purity and namesakes.

Although it’s been some time and I don’t know if this is socially responsible with the wake of Covid-19 but hey, happiness and joy is what the world needs and America needs some; even when there are risks. At least they knew they have experience history in the making.

You can’t win them all but you can sure be a better winner by being a good loser and acknowledging a good fight.

The last 2 days, I did 2 high level PVE content in a mass multiplayer role-playing game (MMORPG). This was in a form of a dungeon with four players; each with roles assigned, a tank, a healer and two damage dealers. One was a success and the other was not. This is the story (it is written in this style for mass appeal and not to get anyone offended)

For the first high level content, a fellow guild mate required assistance on a final boss at the end. This boss will reward the player with good loot. I joined in as a healer using my main character which has the most time invested.

For the first run, I would like to see the performance of the players in the team. The dungeon was familiar to me but soon many issues came to picture. I knew I was able to hold my own ground and play my role. However, there are certain external factors and content from the game that would influence the outcome of each round of the battle. This was obvious after wiping several times and through my observations realize the pattern of our mistakes:

1. Overall damage was not enough as the damage dealers were at a low level. One damage dealer (Damage Dealer A) had a defensive style, heals when immediately damage instead of focusing on damage and letting me heal. The other damage dealer (Damage Dealer B) focused too much on one mechanic of the battle and barely assisted with the other members.
2. Tank was tanking too much. Tank did his job but the boss’s assistants (adds) which kept stacking on him. It got to the point he could not take any more adds and the damage from these adds eventually cause the tank to fall.
3. As the healer, I was running around the area of the battle trying to heal everyone as much as possible, but they were focusing on different areas with the main boss moving around the area every time.

So, I took point and lead the way. After getting the rotations down and pointing out what should be done, the battle got better. This is noted with the boss health going down more and more with each fight. Damage dealer B was vocal and asked many questions every single round of the fight. I tried my best to my knowledge of the battle to answer the questions. It got to the point, I did not have all the answers and I had to use the Internet to verify my own answers and knowledge. Yes, I got the mechanics correct but there is such a thing in life called human error and randomness of life.

After applying different playmaking strategies, it still did not work out. Damage dealer A and Tank was silent throughout the entire fight each just fulfilling their roles. In the end, I decided to switch my character’s build from a dedicated healer to a hybrid damage and healer build that I created some time back to clear low level content fast. This build was made for all intents and purposes for all types of content; a general build that can perform on most; if not all content. I tested it out, with the exception for the highest level of PVE content that the build does work.

After 3 rounds using that build, with the 2^nd round narrowing down the boss health to 1%, we manage to clear the content. Damage Dealer B became a friend, and we exchange build ideas. It was a good game.

The 2^nd high level content which is also a dungeon with the same content requirements, only this time I was the damage dealer on my second character. For the first half, as a team we were doing well. The second damage dealer (Damage dealer C) was vocal about mechanics and team communications. Prior to this dungeon, I had some experience with it, noting that I have only completed it once and was on my main character as a healer. The healer this time was seen to be the weaker link; as Damage dealer C was vocal in noting the fault. I was just fulfilling my role and acknowledging any mechanics said by Damage dealer C with an “OK”

And at this halfway point, after several tries, and damage dealer C being vocal about the healer’s fault, the healer then admitted to the fault and left. The tank soon followed, and it was left with me and Damage dealer C. Damage dealer C asked why the fault was not remedied and the healer did not improve. My answer was this: In my experience, this content is hard. Players usually leave at this point.

Damage dealer C soon got replacement for another tank and healer. Cleared it after the 2^nd try and proceed onward to the next phase. I kept quiet most of the time until this point as it is the most challenging yet. This point was just before the final boss. The amount of mechanics, multi-tasking, and awareness to other players in play was the pinnacle of difficulty. Tank took lead on this one. Replacement healer soon left after a few rounds quietly but did point out the weaknesses and gaps in between. I just did what I could, but I am just one character. We soon got a 2^nd replacement healer. After easing through the rotation and the tank politely explaining the mechanics, taking the lead, we were improving. We have motivated our cause to a common enemy, at this point the boss battle. The team synergy was good, but I knew what the faults were, but did not want to ruin anyone’s time. And pretty much we were trying to fix the situation, all of us from the builds, mechanics, and politely changing strategies.

However, I knew that the tank was not resilient enough (healer did point out the fact I was usually the last to go down and I hinted a build that reflects this, which the tank asked for confirmation) but polite and the healer was inexperience but was a quick learner. Damage dealer C’s damage was just slightly below alright in my opinion but makes up for it with teamwork. How about my criticism? I get a little too focused at one thing and at times when I wanted to assist other members, it might have been a little late. Hey but at least when they pointed out my mistakes, I do listen in my defense and try not to do it again. But again, human error and randomness of life come into play. The limit was in play and we all share that limit as play had to end and we go back to our lives. (I did find out where they all reside in our casual talk thus rectifying their friendly nature).

In conclusion? I had a great time with these folks on both occasions. I play to meet people of all kinds of background in my own terms of anonymity. Why? I like to be an observer of sorts and minding my own business. Though at times, I do wish I were part of a community. I prefer to be in a PVP (player versus player) community as we battle foreign enemies in a common soil as a one group. Midyear 2020 was at its pinnacle; we were on the battlefield everyday with guild mates with an intuitive & creative leader who knows when to act and strategize during the chaos of the battlefield. You might say our strategies were that of a “black ops” team going behind enemy lines, attacking weak points, and taking it to our advantage. I noticed that after some time, it got a little too predictable as we were attacked by other black ops team from opposing factions. Oh well, those were the good times even through Covid-19 we find joyful relationships in virtual worlds.

Sometimes good company and the fulfilling the right role can have longevity in your career. Sometimes you cannot make it on your own. And you got to find it and not wait for it to happen. So, go out there and make it! There are leaders and indicators everywhere that can guide you to the goal you want to achieve!

Let go.

The hare is very confident of winning, so it stops during the race and falls asleep. The tortoise continues to move very slowly but without stopping and finally it wins the race. The moral lesson of the story is that you can be more successful by doing things slowly and steadily than by acting quickly and carelessly.

I know recovery is slow and slumber now. Pandemic fatigue has succumb my peers who still hold full-time jobs with no escape in sight.

Well, I am well recovering from this damnation of a pandemic. When you hear of people working 12-16 hours work, I recalled a time when I used to do that. The problem was I did not know when to stop working or putting limits; compartmentalising my time. Seniors or experienced professionals would expect this of a new professional in the industry. Gamers will call me out for being a noob.

Still I manage to recover quickly quite surprisingly. The lessons learned and taught I exercise it. The major discovery during this period I realise, to go at your own pace.

I realise I do love being a creative doing what I do best serving clients for their needs and wants. However, little to no projects come into play. Instead, I pick up new skills, quit smoking and began my journey to recover the lost career I once cherished.

Extra advise for anyone still reading this? Some will tell you to go faster, but they are going at their own pace; not pacing with you. Sometimes it could even be an exaggeration or their own version of from the social exchanges you get. The most important thing is to listen to yourself and say no when necessary. Burnout and carelessness is a real thing so don’t be like the hare charging forward, overconfident forgetting to look back. I can still zoom ahead but I will wait for those who can’t keep up (I’m a healer =)

So do not fret friends, things will get better and there will be opportunities coming ahead. You’ll be OK

The US elections is on and the world is watching. I am watching with due diligence and for entertainment. That aside, as I was reading into US politics and history, this book was recommended to me by a random YouTube video feed when Former President Jimmy Carter was being interviewed on the The Late Show with Stephen Colbert; promoting his book.

I do not know why but this book was calling out to be read by me. Known to be a ‘nice’ president and was also awarded with the Nobel Peace Prize for co-founding the Carter Center.

As a religious person who devout his life to Christianity his sincere, honest and retrospective ability to reflect on his work during his presidency and also peacekeeping efforts shows that even through a ‘failed’ presidency and the losses that he faced after leaving office, he was able to bounce back from these failures through faith.

The book is encapsulated into six chapters, all under the common umbrella of faith. This is discussed from his personal journey, observations, referencing thinkers and theologians such as William Sloane Coffin and Clarence Jordan to Swiss theologians, Karl Bath and Emil Brunner.

Why did I read this book?

Personally, after reading the references above from the YouTube and sample e-book of the prologue, I needed to navigate my life to a purpose with faith. Although, it has heavy Christianity theme; coming from a different religious faith, the title of the book does deliver that is for all. His perspectives and wisdom although at times opinionated, has positivity, empathy, and sincerity. After all, this is the man who was the first president of the United States to visit North Korea.

After finishing this book, I am a believer that we are not alone in this world as we are one human race. I suggest giving it a read if you need assurance or faith in your life.

Sing me a song, you’re a singer
Do me a wrong, you’re a bringer of evil
The devil is never a maker
The less that you give, you’re a taker
So it’s on and on and on, it’s heaven and hell
Oh well

The lover of life’s not a sinner
The ending is just a beginner
The closer you get to the meaning
The sooner you’ll know that you’re dreaming
So it’s on and on and on, oh it’s on and on and on
It goes on and on and on, Heaven and Hell
I can tell
Fool, fool

Oh uh
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Well if it seems to be real, it’s illusion
For every moment of truth, there’s confusion in life
Love can be seen as the answer, but nobody bleeds for the dancer
And it’s on and on, on and on and on and on and on and on and on

They say that life’s a carousel
Spinning fast, you’ve got to ride it well…

These are the lyrics to Dio’s Black Sabbath’s “Heaven & Hell”

Oh and it’s my birthday but that’s just another day.

I like darkness, it is cooler. Does not mean I do not have positive thinking.

What is the weakness of being a centrist? Being in a tug of war from both sides; the light and the night. Which is better? It is a personal choice.

More important, it is your character and personality that gives people their perspective of you. That is what I have learnt. They respect who you admire, idolize or your interests. That is your personal space they respect.

“Well, I never talk religion. I don’t understand organized religion. But I strive to be good, although it feels good to be bad, sometimes. I’m not bad, like, evil bad”, Oct 6, 2018 – Ozzy Osbourne

Peace to all believer’s and non-believers as well. The world could use more love for everyone; especially the misunderstood.